Its all meant to be

Everything that happens has a reason . there is absolutely nothing that just does not happen without a logical explanation. What has happened with me in the past 2 months there is absolutely no rational explanation yet there is some reason that I can see f what all has happened.for the last 2 months I have undergone a major confidence crisis nd I cannot believe that my only weapon that of confidence has gone for a toss. I just cannot say anything with confidence , do anything with it. Everytime I do anything I just keep on doubting myself. I got my internship finally with my dream departments and I have done nothing but to screw it . I asked silly questions did silly mistakes. The question arrives why the possible explanation is that I got emotionally dependent on someone so much that I forgot about my strengths. In other words I made that person my strength and when that person decided to leave I lost all my strength . even as I am writing this blog I am still confused, although I have gotten out of a major crisis but still some part of me still wants those 4 months back . to be honest as of now I would do anything to get those 4 months back. This has not been my first relationship , but the way I bonded with her was really different and I remember I didn’t take not much time to get over people. But its been more than 2 months and I just cannot get it out of my mind . and this is unlike me . I get over things really quick . on the top of that with me I have seen 5 random people who I just happen to know, not very close or anything going through almost the same thing and all 4 of them turning to me for advice.i mean they didn’t even talk to me except a maybe hi/hello but still for this they turned to me for advice , for support or whatever you may call it .it goes on to to show one thing definitely , no matter how much I try to move on , there will be incidents that will still remind me of those 4 beautiful months. Yes I am sad because I cannot ave it anymore. Did I throw it away ? am I to blame ? yes because it was my incapability to understand situations and apply myself into it.i am so cared on any relationship now , I can very safely say . in fact I don’t know what I want from life as of now. I still have one more year to go to finish my studies and I frankly have no idea of how I am going to survive that one year .maybe some more weed and some drinking will help my case . but should that be the way out , I don’t know. To be honest I have seen much worse things than this in my life and I have very easily come out of it . what I need maybe is like going broke for sometime and do something I have never done before. But whenever I try to do something new thing I am still reminded about that person in one way or the other. Is that wrong? Is that cowardly? Is that irritating?i have absolutely no idea, but I am feeling that way . I cannot stop it . my sister tells me I am becoming a cy baby these days but I cannot help it. I know she understands what I am going through and to make me strong she is saying all that. But why cant people understand and tell me that it’s okay. I will find the right person in my life. Everything happens for a reason , if its bad u learn out of it if its good , u just enjoy . I know there is no way that she might come back or anything. But god that very idea kills me. I am always asking this question to god , if I had to lose her then why did I get her? Experience? Hard thing to swallow, harder than living alone in a room . harder than anything that I have ever coped up with.but if its meant to be its meant to be.